Archive for February, 2011


Stuff You Don’t Care About: Issue 7: This one goes out to you Travis…

Okay, so it’s been a while since I’ve posted on this blog. I ended on a kind of sad note last time, dedicating the post to the memory of my father, breaking from the usual tongue-in-cheek that I usually engage in. If one were to over think it, one might be under the impression that I have been in a real life “Sad Keanu“. (Just so you know, Keanu is not sad, he is just reflecting on the deliciousness of his sandwich.) I am not a “Sad Keanu”. I have, in-fact, been fairly happy as of late.

The reason I have not blogged is simple. I have had nothing to say. At least, I haven’t until now. Let us turn to the living evil that is known as Facebook. This is a cesspool of privacy being made public, the social equivalent of willingly selling your soul to Satan. That is, unless you disable “Friends of Friends” in the security settings, but I digress. The point is I have experienced one of those “Fuck You” moments when social networking.

Let me paint a picture for you. I was commenting on a friend’s post. This “friend” is a local radio personality, so it’s more like I’m a fan on her friends list. This was her comment:
“When I was 12, I had pictures taped up all over my room of Axl Rose, Sebastian Bach eating pizza, and Eddie Vedder.”

Now, I’m a big believer in limiting my Facebook usage to little jokes, a heaping helping of sarcasm, and outright silliness, so I fall back on a time tested comedic subject that any red-blooded American would use: Cannibalism.

I responded, “They were eating pizza AND Eddie Vedder? Ew.”

This should have invoked a minor chuckle, been completely ignored, or more often than not, evoking a groan from the ill-fated reader. Instead one other person responded with this little nugget of stupidity:

“@Adam: fortunately there is a comma in place to prevent MOST PEOPLE from drawing that conclusion.
Punctuation is just that important.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, the name of this person is Travis. Travis is a dick.

I’m going to back pedal on something I said in an earlier blog. I know I went off on people that use the word “Conversate” and generally have bad grammar. I know I can be kind of a douche when it comes to that sort of thing, but I don’t do it for the sake of being confrontational. I don’t go out of my way to talk down to somebody who makes that kind of error. In my case, it wasn’t an error, just silliness.

As I’m writing this entry, the war of words has continued. I have made my first Facebook enemy it seems. It’s a small world. Apparently he’s friends with one of my old high-school buddies. I just hope this isn’t somebody I should know.

It’s shit like this Facebook… (sigh)

Let’s analyze our little nemesis here.

Name: Travis Fox (That’s right I said it!)

Interests: 2nd amendment (Seriously? You start with that?) Land Surveying (Snore) Confederate States of America (Boy, I’d really like to introduce you to some of my Black Friends. I’m sure they’d love you.)

Favorite Music: A collection of metal and garage bands and “trailer park, redneck, sleeping with their sister” anthems. One such gem is somebody calling themselves General Lee and the New Confederacy. Surprisingly, Lynyrd Skynyrd didn’t make the list. Guess they were too anti-American for him or something.

Favorite Books (You’ll love this): The South was Right, Red Republicans and Lincoln’s Marxists (WTF??), and The Real Lincoln.

Okay, so we’ve established that this dude is a serious flannel shirt wearing, hippie hating, tobacco chewing, white steeple hood donning loon that sprays fake mud onto his pickup to pass himself off as an off-roading SOB. But the icing on the cake is the slogan on his site, “Novus Ordo Seciordum” or “New Order for the Ages” found on the back of a dollar bill. Oh God! He’s going to use a giant pyramid with a floating eye to take over the world! Aaaaaarrrggghhh! Hide yo kids, hide yo wife! Hide yo kids, hide yo wife.

Normally I wouldn’t let things like this bother me, but considering who this is it’s very irksome that a person like this has the balls to question my education. Sure he can read, but his reading seems to be limited to his narrow point of view. I thought I had conservative view points, but after reading up on this guy I want to go join a drum circle and talk about my feelings.

Travis, look at me buddy. Chill out. It takes more than punctuation and your limited grasp on reality to consider yourself intelligent. Learn to recognize harmless fun and take a fuckin’ chill pill. You’re not Captain Clever and you never will be. Also, that monocle clashes with your Klan robes.