Archive for November, 2011


Stuff You Don’t Care About: Issue 9: Sir Mixeth Often

Forsooth, dear Rebecca, feast thine eyes upon yon derriere!
It can only be described as copious.
Nay, the wench resembles a chattering bard’s romantic companion.
Though, in confession I must concede that I have no understanding of such as them.
Indeed, their chattering is only such, being due to her appearance as a harlot, I’faith?
Prithee her rump is so corpulent, and bulbous. It is obvious that it is grievously abhorrent, behold!
Be she so… Nubian!

An inclination have I for voluminous posteriors, and this is no untruth.
Nay, my brothers in arms, you cannot dispute this fact.
When you rest your eyes upon a maiden blessed with a humble midriff
And an elliptical form presented before you, one leaps to present his John Thomas
For you have realized the rump in question was cumbersome at best.
Buried in the confines of her bustle,
My fascination bids my eyes to remain stationary.
O wondrous Lady, that we could only rendezvous,
That I may render a delightful portrait in your likeness.
My entourage bid me caution,
But that backside you possess sets my loins aflame.
Ooh, elastic sickly epidermis.
I invite you to board my chariot, M’Lady.
Do what you will, what you will with me,
I’faith, you are an exceptional devotee.
I have witnessed her capering.
Affairs of the heart be damned!
She doth perspire, and is sodden as such.
Have she the status on par with a champion pedigree? I think so.
I grow weary of periodicals
That lay claim that petite behinds are all the fashion.
Present the question to a typical moor,
He will remind you of the contrary.
Yea, comrades! (Huzzah!) Comrades! (Huzzah!)
Doth thine companion be blessed with such a derriere? (Undoubtedly !)
Instruct that wench to jostle it vigorously! (Jostle it!) Jostle it! (Jostle it!)
Jostle thine physically fit backside.
Baby possess back!